2024 - birth story

40 weeks.

2 weeks of prodromal.

34 hours of labor.

3 hours of pushing.

and our rainbow babe is finally here!

the day he came into this world is going down as one of the best days of my life. oh but he made us wait and wonder and go a little crazy!! at the end the Lord had a perfect plan and perfect timing for his arrival into our arms.

prodromal labor

at about 38 weeks I was woken up around 3am with contractions. nothing too crazy or painful, but man I got so excited. he was finally coming!! at 38 weeks I thought I was almost 40 weeks pregnant because during the course of my pregnancy my “due date” had changed a couple times. in my head it made sense that I was having contractions a day before 40 weeks, since that happened to be when my first baby was born. our midwife, Mary, had seen me just a day before and told me it wasn't going to be a good time for me to go into labor since she was going in for surgery the next day. but at 3am when my contractions were 3-5 minutes apart I really thought maybe I'd end up free-birthing. after my mom and Aaron convinced me I should give her a heads up, I text Mary to let her know what was going on. she responded that she was about to get on the table for her procedure and she’d check in when she was out.

I had planned to have a charcuterie board to snack on during labor, and wanted mimosas or tequila for after baby arrived so Aaron ordered everything on Instacart and then we went for a walk. that seemed to make the contractions continue. they were still bearable, but definitely there. when Mary arrived she had to lie down for a couple hours while the anesthetics completely wore off. my mom and a couple of my sisters were here too, and we just ate charcuterie and visited while we waited for labor to progress. I felt like I was in denial, but now I know it just wasn't time. I felt like it was unnecessary for everyone to be there already, but still enjoyed the company. after a while Mary gave me homeopathics and herbs that were supposed to regulate the contractions since there wasn't a true pattern to them. by 5pm when everything was just the same, I opted to get checked and have a membrane sweep. I was almost fully effaced but only 4cm dilated, so everyone went home. I was so frustrated. we literally tried everything short of popping my sac, but nothing was changing. it was a couple weeks of this - thinking it was time, but everything stopping as soon as I sat down or went to sleep.

two days after our first false alarm, I made myself go to target to distract myself. mentally I had been really struggling because I really thought it was time and felt like my body just wasn't catching up. I wanted to wait and be patient but I was having a hard time. walking around target with a coffee in my hand was a nice distraction. when I got back home I made chocolate chip cookies with bubs, since I had promised him earlier that day that we would. but halfway through I had to stop because the contractions that had been lingering just got worse. I couldn't walk or talk through them and I thought it was definitely time now. Aaron had to finish making cookies with bubs and then do dinner + bedtime with bubs while I labored. once he was in bed, we watched 'how I met your mother' to distract me but I ended up on the bathroom floor, feeling dizzy and nauseous from the pain. we finally text Mary and told her we'd keep her posted. I was able to sleep all night again, and I woke up feeling frustrated and discouraged that I was still pregnant after all of that. Mary had mentioned prodromal labor at this point and I started looking into what that was cause I had never heard the term before. "false labor". and it could last for weeks. greaaaat. we also talked about the possibility that my due dates were mixed up and came to accept I probably wasn’t as far along as we thought and that gave me peace of mind.

I had to really work on my mindset over the next few weeks. I prayed for peace + patience but I was so discouraged. I kept telling myself he’d come at the perfect time, that the Lord knew best, that we were safe. we tried to distract ourselves and get out of the house even though we thought we could have a baby any minute. I did my sister’s maternity photos, still having sporadic mild contractions. on my way there in heavy traffic I even told her I was having some stronger contractions and she text me back with “should we even be doing this?!” I went to brunch with friends and even got some more maternity photos done of myself. we went to community group where everyone was shocked we even showed up since they had heard from us the first time I thought I was in labor. we went to celebrate Aaron’s grandma’s 90th birthday. we celebrated my mom’s birthday, wondering if he’d share a birthday with her. but he wanted his own special day.

I finally got to the point where I realized I had to let go of my own expectations to stay sane. I remember one night as I was about to fall asleep, I pulled out my phone and wrote down "I don't know, but I trust you Lord". from the very beginning everything was so unknown. I mean, I had a miscarriage not even 2 months before I saw that positive pregnancy test that brought us here. even the fact that I took that pregnancy test that day was so random- I just wanted to get rid of the gnawing reminder that I lost a baby every time I would go to the bathroom and see that unused pregnancy test from the 3-pack that confirmed my previous pregnancy and then confirmed I was no longer pregnant. my whole pregnancy to the very last day took so much blind faith + surrender. it never went according to my plans.

true labor

finally, at 39+6 I woke up at 7am with strong contractions. they were different, stronger. I had a feeling this was real this time, but my brain was also having a hard time believing it. I text Mary at 8:35am "I think I'm in labor". by 9am I knew I was definitely in labor. getting in the shower didn't help. laying down didn't stop the contractions. I felt nauseous and hyper-sensitive to smells. but I still didn't want everyone to come since we had so many other false alarms before. at that point my main concern was that I didn't want to inconvenience everyone all over again. cute, huh?

we had talked about having bubs as involved as he wanted to be. we never want birth to be something scary to him so we prepared him and talked about what was gonna happen all through my pregnancy and he even watched some birth videos with me. so we planned on him being there if possible, with one of my sisters basically just on-call in case he needed anything. Aaron had been entertaining him while I labored but by 11am I asked my mom to come with my sister to watch bubs because I needed Aaron through the contractions now. I was still in denial. eventually Aaron text Mary to let her know I was ready for her. I labored all day but didn't feel the time go by. I was excited I'd get a day birth, which was one thing I had been praying for. sometime before getting in the tub I text Steph since she was going to take pictures. I was still having strong contractions but at the same time I was also joking around in between them. Aaron ordered my celebratory sushi from UberEats so it would be ready for me. I got to watch the sun set through the window while sitting in the tub waiting. at one point I was listening to the music on my birth playlist, and something just came over me. I thought it might be transition, but it was so much more than that. I don't remember which song it was but I remember hearing the words and thinking "God you are so good". and then I started bawling. sobbing. actually ugly crying. but at the same time… laughing? I was laying on Aaron's chest while he held me, and Mary started to comfort me, reminding me I was safe, reminding me I was strong enough. I just remember blubbering out "I'm so happy".

looking back, it was a healing moment. a minute where it was just me and Jesus, and he touched my heart to heal every broken piece and pain that was lingering from having such a traumatic birth with bubs and then a miscarriage after. I let go. in that moment I let go of every fear, every regret, every expectation and frustration that things were not going the exact way I had maybe envisioned in my own time table. and I felt so free.

by 6pm my contractions had spaced out a little bit so I opted to get checked and I was only 6cm dilated. we sent my pregnant sister and pregnant photographer back home to rest, but my mom and Mary stayed the night, along with my other sister who had been here helping keep bubs busy.

birth day

I slept so peacefully, until 5:45am when I started having stronger contractions. I came downstairs to get some toast and then went back to bed to try and rest. during breakfast my contractions were still very irregular so we talked about what we should do. I asked to get homeopathics and herbs again since I remembered they helped regulate my contractions with bubs’ labor. Mary agreed, gave them to me and then left to run a quick errand. I sent my mom and Karen home to freshen up since I figured it could still be a while before they kicked in. when I took the homeopathics I text a handful of people that had been praying for us asking them to join me in prayer that we'd finally meet this little babe. part of me was still scared it was a false alarm and I didn't know that I could handle that again. but a part of me also knew that was gonna be the day.

within an hour the homeopathics started working, unlike a couple weeks before with prodromal labor a couple weeks before. I text Mary to let her know they were working but told her she could probably wait to come. I told her this time I wouldn't be calling everyone over until I was actually pushing. ha!

just a couple hours later I was noticing a definitive pattern and more intensity. I had been laboring downstairs and finally realized it was way too intense to be so far from the birth tub so I made my way slowly back upstairs into our bedroom. this time I felt like I should wait as long as possible to get in because I thought it may have gotten me too relaxed the day before. I kept Mary in the loop but was still in denial and I know she could tell because she came back before I specifically asked her to. when she saw me through a few contractions she asked me if I had let my mom and sister know that they should come now, and I told her no. she looked at me like I was crazy and I knew I should text them to come over. that's when the denial totally disappeared. I let our photographer know too and she told me she had a session and would be done by 5pm. Mary kind of laughed and said she wouldn't make it if she waited to come after that. thankfully, she was able to get her session rescheduled and come over right then.

I had absolutely no concept of time. the only thing that felt good was bearing down and getting into deep squats while I held onto the edge of the sink or hung onto Aaron’s neck. at one point I heard myself grunting with the contractions, and that was my signal to get in the tub. it felt so nice in there! I checked myself a couple times and I could tell he was right there. I held Aaron’s hands during each contraction, during each push. I had multiple moments of "I don't think I can do this anymore", and I knew those meant he was so close. big brother kept coming in and out of the bedroom, playing, running, asking if the baby was here already. all of us kept reassuring him I was okay and I was working hard to get baby here.

I pushed for 3 hours, even though it didn’t feel like it was that long. after having had an episiotomy with my first I wanted to take it really slow this time to prevent a really bad tear. when I finally felt the ring of fire I was so excited but also kept thinking "I really don't ever want to do this again cause it absolutely SUCKS!". around the same time I started feeling the fetal ejection reflex too, and even though Mary was coaching me to blow to take the pushes a little slower I just couldn't control my pushing anymore. he was ready, and he was coming whether we were ready or not.

during one of my last pushes, I felt a 'pop' and saw a cloud in the water. Mary told Aaron that was my bag of waters breaking and that baby was about to be here so he swapped places with my mom and went into the tub to help catch him. I held mom's hands during the next few pushes. I remember Mary saying, “there you go, mama’s got you”, and I remember saying back “no, God’s got me”. the more intense the pain, the more my prayer was for the Lord to be my strength and in that moment I knew He was holding us in His hands and giving me the strength to birth.

because bubs was suctioned out after the episiotomy I don't ever remember feeling my hips expanding or his head on my bones. but this time I felt it. I could tell exactly where he was and when he was coming out. I could feel his head while Mary was showing Aaron with a mirror, explaining to him what they were seeing. that push to get his head out was the most intense pain I've ever experienced, followed by immediate relief. I reached down to feel him while Mary reminded Aaron to wait for baby to turn. I could feel a tiny nose, his chin, and then ...fingers?! I told them what I was feeling and then it was time for the last push. he was born at 5:13pm. Aaron gently pushed him through my legs so he wouldn’t float away. I felt around his neck and untangled the cord from around it, and then brought him up out of the water into my arms. he was so calm, looking around and making so many expressive faces at us. he didn't cry. he was safe in my arms and he knew it. finally getting to meet him, to see and kiss his tiny face was the sweetest reward.

my sister had been trying to get bubs to come in when baby was crowning but he was having way too much fun with his other auntie. eventually when he heard the commotion he came running and saw baby, then he turned right around to leave again. when he came back he was holding his 2 favorite toys that he wanted to show his little baby brother. even Watson, our dog, came out from where he had been hiding under the bed all during my labor, went around the tub, hopped up on his back legs and peeked over to see. my mom had been writing all during my labor and while we waited for the placenta to be born she asked if she could read her prayer and scriptures over baby.

we watched the sunset together, now as a family of four. he looked so much like bubs did when he was first born and I remember thinking “did I just give birth to the same child all over again?!” I only had a small tear that didn't even need stitches, nowhere near my episiotomy scar. that was a huge answered prayer, too.

I was getting uncomfortable so I tried tugging at it, then asked Mary to help pull out my placenta. at this point I passed baby over to Aaron and I got into bed. bubs did his very important job of making sure the baby had 10 fingers and 10 toes. I ate my sushi while they checked on baby and cleaned up all the supplies. we had cheers’d with champagne and mimosas, and I even had a shot of tequila that I had been craving during the last stretch of my pregnancy, and then we slept.

I’m so grateful things didn’t happen on my own time table. our birth story couldn’t have been written any better by me or anyone else but God. my biggest prayer was to have a redemptive birth, and as I edited the birth photos my friend took for me I felt the true healing that Jesus performed in me because these photos don’t make me wince and shudder. they make me want to do it all over again. and to Him be all the glory!